A Letter to My Babies: August 12th, 2010

I came across this old journal entry tonight, and thought I might share it with other parents in the trenches.  Though we have added another baby since it was written, it still rings true, perhaps with more depth, than before. All I can say, is that God is faithful, even in our shortsightedness.

Avery, Ezra, Trevor, Eden, & Quentin,

Mama loves you.

****

Babies,

I don't think I'll ever be able to do enough, be enough, for you. You all deserve so much. I watch you sleeping at night and am marveled by how wonderful you each are in your unique ways, and I wonder what I ever did to deserve being entrusted with your care. I love you.

As a mama, my mind and heart are full tonight. I tell your Daddy all the time that I just want to do what is right by you four. I want the world, moon, and stars for you. You will each grow and become your own individuals with your own thoughts, choices, and plans, but you will always be my babies. I will always want to to give you my best. Though I will fade to the back of your minds, you four will always, undoubtedly, be at the forefront of mine.

I find myself riveted on the curve of your smile, the words you jumble together, even the tiny hand prints you leave on our TV. There are not enough pages in this book, or all the books in the world, to retell the daily joys you give to me. It is this love that centers me after a particularly hairy day, after I've come to the end of all my parenting theories. I sometimes wonder why God gave us 4 babies in 3 years, because I encounter moments when I feel like I would have been a better (more composed) mother had you all been more spaced out. Only God knows. But you all teach me so much every day, and because I love each of you so immensely, I keep trying.

Life is hard, and as the old saying goes, there is no instruction manual. You just have to do the best you can with the best attitude you can muster every day, and never give up. And that, my dears, is how character is formed. The easiest road is not always the best one.

Avery, Ezra, Trevor, Eden,

Mama loves you.